Monday, June 1, 2009

at andheri

shoulder to shoulder
bumper to bumper
bodies jammed
crammed
inch crawl
slug rush
rush rush slug
the train! the train!

masses of flesh
wriggle squirm
hurry burry
hurry scurry
scurry scurry
oh the train!

masses masses
no faces
yeh hai mumbai
meri jaan!

14 comments:

aduhi said...

what about the sweat, the smell, the deliberate mistakes, the unwanted touch?

Gauri Gharpure said...

wow! simply awesome.. full of onomatopoeia and with such a powerful imagery

illusionaire said...

Sounds more like Dadar station... te lo ti a ni lawmni, poem a analyze thiam awm mai mai :D

Good one. Thats why I never take the train during rush hour :-)

Mi said...

i can hear the noise and feel the rush, you've packed it so neatly,i love it.
it's high time i hit mumbai

mesjay said...

@Aduh, sweat&smell are sickening, yes. but believe it or not, there isn't much of the wicked touch. not that one should let off guard.

@Gauri,thanks.i'd like to call it a short cut poem!

@Illusionaire, yes, it's same with dadar station too. but you miss the essence of mumbai if you don't take the local train at rush hour.

@Mi, thanks. do come to mumbai, it's quite an experience travelling to work by local train.

luliana said...

hehe...love this...

Poem ka chhiar tawhah chuan ka hriat thiam ve pawl tak a ni ngei ang...lolzzz

mesjay said...

@Lulian, thanks. So glad it speaks to you.

feddabonn said...

nice! really like the rhythm.

mesjay said...

@feddabon, thanks.

OpaHmar said...

now this is a poem which is in my attention span range
how do ppl get words like onomatopoeia? no wonder all spelling bees are won by Indian kids
I need spellcheck to spell conscience and niece nowadays...guess thats what sms and chatting do to you
oh coming back to the poem, appreciated, havnt been to Mumbai, so Slumdog millionaire come to mind

Why dont u try limericks

mesjay said...

@Opa, techno dependence is playing havoc with some parts of our brains, true. Thanks for appreciation. As for limmericks, it needs a different kind of talent, i think.

Calliopia said...

With your keen sense of rhythm and observation, you do on the move poems really well - the train poem at the beginning of your blog building, then the rushing off to work poem, and now this. Kudos.

mesjay said...

@Calliopia, thanks. [Grinning from ear to ear]. Been away or something? Peeped into your blog a few times but it was all quiet.

mesjay said...

Calliopia, the 'post a comment' on your blog isn't working.